what day is it and did you see me today?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
