I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
