sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize