I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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