I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
wow bdsm is so cute
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
