I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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