Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
