If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize