I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
