dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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