it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
