All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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