the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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