Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
