Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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