Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
