He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
