I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
