you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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