Sry I called you an 8
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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