It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
