did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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