a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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