**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
