K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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