Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Green mimosas i think yes
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
