yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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