Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
