K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
