Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The best revenge is premature balding
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize