I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
