just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize