so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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