i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
