Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
