I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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