11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
