Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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