U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
