Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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