Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
