Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
