i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
