Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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