I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
