at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
