I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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