I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
