How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
