If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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