this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
