The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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