oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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