I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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