Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need moral support for this bender
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
NoShamevember. You game?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
