They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
