When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
