I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We left an ass print on the piano.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
