Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize