Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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