The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize