My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
