You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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