So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
