At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
