id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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