I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
