take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
