Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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