he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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