TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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