i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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