It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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