Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
