Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
