Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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