there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
