White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
