i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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