I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
