lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
