We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
