If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
