I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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