remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
