his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
