My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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